When a child is part of the marriage, the ceremony should say so without making the child perform. In this sample, Sam is eight. Give Sam a job Sam agreed to. Do not surprise a child with a speech.
Alex and Maria are fictional. So is anyone else named on this page.
325 spoken words. At 130 words a minute, that is 2 minutes 30 seconds. Stage directions are not in that count.
Typical full ceremony plan
A plan for the whole ceremony: welcome, readings, vows, and the quiet parts around them. It is not the length of the sample below. This outline adds up to 18 minutes.
Welcome, including Sam2 min
The family story3 min
A promise Sam can hear3 min
Vows4 min
Rings2 min
Pronouncement2 min
Close2 min
Sample script
Welcome
Say Sam’s name. Do not make Sam stand up unless Sam wants to.
Welcome. You know Alex and Maria. You also know Sam, who is eight and who helped pick the playlist, then changed it, then changed it back. This marriage includes Sam. We are going to say that in words a person can use on a Tuesday.
The family story
The first afternoon Alex spent with Sam, he brought a puzzle that was too hard. Sam told him so. Alex came back with an easier puzzle and did not make a speech about it.
Maria says that was the day she stopped interviewing him. I believe her.
A promise Sam can hear
Look at Sam for this part. Keep it concrete.
Sam, you are not a guest at this wedding. You live here, in this family, even when "here" is a Tuesday and someone is late for school.
Alex, the promise Sam needs is not poetry. It is who does pickup, who sits through the long story about the game, and who does not disappear when the week is bad. Say it in your own sentence if you have one. If you do not, say: Sam, I am staying, including on the ordinary days.
Vows
Alex, do you take Maria as your spouse, and do you take the family that is already in the house as your work, not as an audience?
Wait for: I do.
Maria, do you take Alex as your spouse, and will you tell him when Sam needs him to be clearer, or quieter, or simply on time?
Wait for: I do.
Rings
The rings are for the two of you. Sam, you already have your job: you are holding the box, and you may hand it over whenever you are ready. No speech required.
Pronouncement
Alex and Maria, you are married. Sam, you are not married to anyone, and you are not responsible for any of this working. You are loved, and you can go back to the playlist after the kiss.
Close
Friends, if you talk to Sam today, ask about the playlist. Do not ask how it feels to "get a new parent." Sam did not write that question.
What to change
- Use the child’s real name, age, and a detail the child recognizes as fair.
- Ask the child, and the parent, what may be said. A cute story the child hates is not yours to tell.
- Give one agreed job, or no job. Do not invent a unity ritual in the moment.
- Keep the promise concrete: time, pickup, staying. Skip "forever" if the child has already heard promises break.
Questions
Should the child say something?
Only if the child asked to. A nod, a box to hold, or nothing are all fine. Do not hand a child a paragraph on the day.
What if there is more than one child?
Say each name. Do not merge them into "the kids" in the promise. The story can be shorter so the names still fit.
How do I avoid making the child the whole ceremony?
One section is enough. The vows are still between the couple. Say that out loud so the child is not carrying the marriage.
Write theirs
Answer 14 questions about the couple. Read the welcome and the first story paragraph free. The full ceremony is $19 once, with timings, stage directions, and a PDF for the podium.