If a parent has died, the ceremony can say their name without pretending they walked in. This sample remembers Elena, Maria’s mother, who died three years ago. Keep it short, specific, and free of the phrase "looking down." Ask the couple what they can bear to hear.
Alex and Maria are fictional. So is anyone else named on this page.
285 spoken words. At 130 words a minute, that is 2 minutes 12 seconds. Stage directions are not in that count.
Typical full ceremony plan
A plan for the whole ceremony: welcome, readings, vows, and the quiet parts around them. It is not the length of the sample below. This outline adds up to 18 minutes.
Welcome2 min
Their story3 min
Elena’s name3 min
Vows4 min
Rings2 min
Pronouncement2 min
Close2 min
Sample script
Welcome
Welcome. Before we go further I want to name someone who is not in a chair. Maria’s mother, Elena, died three years ago. We are not going to pretend she arrived. We are going to say her name once, properly, and then marry the people who are here.
Their story
Alex never met Elena. He knows her from a blue coat in photographs and from the way Maria still sets an extra spoon and then puts it back. He does not correct that. He learned the recipe Elena wrote in the margin, the one with no amounts, and he stops guessing when Maria says it is close enough.
Elena’s name
A photo or an empty chair only if Maria asked. Otherwise, nothing on the table. Silence of about ten seconds is long enough.
Elena taught Maria to hem a pair of trousers and to leave a party when she was tired. Maria asked me to say that, and not a list of virtues. If you knew Elena, you can hold that. If you did not, you can hold Maria.
We will be quiet for a moment. You do not have to bow your head.
Vows
After the quiet, come back to Alex and Maria by name. Do not stay in the grief.
Maria, do you take Alex as your spouse? Will you let him learn the recipes that have no amounts, and tell him when close enough is not enough?
Wait for: I do.
Alex, do you take Maria as your spouse? Will you keep Elena’s name in the house without making Maria manage your sadness about a woman you did not meet?
Wait for: I do.
Rings
These rings are for the marriage in front of us. Alex, Maria’s hand. Maria, Alex’s hand.
Pronouncement
You are married. Elena’s name has been said. The rest of the day is yours. Kiss if you want to.
Close
If you speak to Maria later, you can say Elena’s name. You do not have to say you are sorry she missed it. Maria knows.
What to change
- Use the name, the relation, and one fact the living partner chose. Cut anything they marked as too much.
- Skip "watching from heaven," "everything happens for a reason," and any sentence that explains the death.
- An empty chair or a photo is optional. Ask. Do not surprise them with a memorial table.
- Return to the couple after the quiet. The ceremony still has to marry them.
Questions
How long should the remembrance be?
A minute or two of words, then a short quiet. If it becomes the ceremony, the couple has to climb out of it to say their vows.
What if the couple disagrees about mentioning the parent?
Follow the partner whose parent died, unless they ask you to decide with both of them. Do not surprise either of them.
Should I mention a parent who is alive but absent?
Only if the couple asked, and only in the sentence they approved. Absence and death are not the same paragraph.
Write theirs
Answer 14 questions about the couple. Read the welcome and the first story paragraph free. The full ceremony is $19 once, with timings, stage directions, and a PDF for the podium.